restorative: a week of double happiness

restorative: having the ability to restore health, strength, or a feeling of well-being

The end of our annual session at Elks Camp and the double happiness of V having a fun-filled week in a lovely and loving setting and I having enough time to truly unwind.

I know that's what Shabbos is about - you are supposed to unplug and not work and rest your mind and body (If I followed it I wouldn't be completing this on Saturday morning) but even when I do observe Shabbat, it's not like I get a real break from my life.  I do not have 9 kids to help spend the day with V and prepare enough food from one sundown to the next. I can let go of electronics but I'm still plugged in to life in a way that is hardly relaxing.

Having nearly a week really is an entirely other beast. A description of what I've done in the past 6 days could just as easily be a gratitude list:

Thank you Elks Camp Moore and your amazing counselors and staff for giving V and hundreds of other young people with all sorts of disabilities  and complex medical needs a wonderful week of camp, and their exhausted caregivers a break to recharge. And thanks to the hard-working, big-hearted Elks who raise enough funds to make this experience absolutely free to the families lucky enough to take advantage of it!  It really does take that long to unwind and feel secure again, which is what it means to be moored.

Thanks S for inviting me up to Maine and encouraging me to stay an extra day. I've had many a long weekend at her house, always wonderful, but this slightly longer visit allowed more space for downtime: reading on the porch, sneaking in some World Cup viewing when no one was around, conversations that could be picked up and continued with each long walk or cup of tea, being captivated by the inter-species friendship between the 2 old cats and recent addition of a  bunny baby (young rabbits are in fact called kittens so I guess it's not a stretch that they would find a way to live harmoniously).

Their friendship seems especially uplifting, a sort of sign that we can co-exist with those unlike us - I know I'm reaching here but these are desperate times - and they became a backdrop to the godawful news about the vacancy on the Supreme Court as the last of a never ending stream of mean-spirited divisiveness.  Along with all the positive benefits of  a week without duties, it's the first time in a while I've let the enormity of so many scary events in the world sink in and feel heavy and bleak. 

We visit dear old friend F, old as in longstanding and also in age since she is over 20 years older than me.  She no longer knows who I am. There's more that I will not say because it seems an invasion of privacy, so I'll only write about its effect on me. It makes me sad, and then even more scared for the future. And it makes me even more appreciative of being alive and fully engaged, however challenging and difficult much of life is at this moment.

Thank you universe, higher power...there's got to be a better word for people with faith in something that doesn't necessarily start with a G (or A if you're Muslim) We invented Ms. and more recently Latinx  (a gender neutral term in lieu of Latino or Latina) and Mx (indicating a gender other than male of female), there's got to be a better term for those who believe in something but we're just not sure what exactly that is.

Thank you cheap airfare (super Basic: no luggage, no assigned seating...we don't yet have to vacuum the cabin or fuel up the plane but I imagine that's next). Thank you the state of Maine for beautiful beaches and pine forests, wonderful seafood, independent thinkers, a Republican Senator who occasionally reaches across the aisle, and my best friend.   I've been coming up here for 37 years and wow, that is such a long time! Since The Clash and Ronald Reagan...No wonder people think of us as old.  Although the fact is I like hanging out with people in their 20's & 30's or at least the subset who can see me as a peer the way I felt with F.  We've come full circle...

But despite how I look or I'm treated and the fact that I've clearly slowed down a bit in pace, I really don't feel old at all. Ageism is real and rampant, so ubiquitous it's often not even acknowledged. Still, it's not as bad as other forms of discrimination; we don't have to worry about being shot or unfairly arrested or thrown in jail, we just get patronized or ignored. Having time away and time with a friend it makes me aware of what a difference it makes to feel connected, to be seen and understood, to feel how love softens the blow of hatred and hostility and the very real possibility that things will only get worse. The world can be a scary place. It also can be very beautiful and its inhabitants can really knock your socks off . And make you laugh.

Thank you all around for letting me stop and smell the salt air, for airplanes and friendship and generosity and that fleeting sense of feeling moored as I head back into a sea of troubles [and by opposing end them, as Hamlet said...] Thank you for helping restore me.